4 Our Health

Question:

The truth is I am afraid.  I have never been really good at anything in my entire life and the truth is that deep down I am afraid that I never will.  
I had a conversation with my mom tonight that pretty much summed it all up.  It all started off by me saying that I think that election illustrates that everyone in the country is upset with the way things are in this country, people want change, people are polarized, people are tired with the way things are going right now.
But then I had to admit it- I have nothing to base that on.  It's not the world that's angry, upset, fed up, and discouraged with the world and how it is running- no...it's me.  I do not have a bright or optimistic vision of the world.  
Hard work, miserable devotion to a job or a company- it sounds awful to me...kill me now.  I cannot imagine myself interviewing for a job at a firm, in fact the very thought almost brings me to tears.  The truth is I do not want to prove myself to some 65 year old partner by thanklessly spending my 30's locked in a law library slaving away.  The same is true of school as well.  I work hard- I spend an 8 or 9 hour day at school, but I cannot be there until midnight reading some case that no one will ever care about.  The mantra seems to be that if you only keep working hard to "prove yourself" it will all pay off, but I do not want to prove myself to anyone- in fact I actively have to fight not to scream, "I don't want to prove myself to anyone goddammnit...."  Plus on top of all that-- who are we all proving ourselves to and why?  Who did Bill Gates or Donald Trump or...anyone truly successful prove themself to?  No one.  
One time when I was in high school I was in Newport with my dad, walking down the docks past the really big yachts.  I asked my dad why people did to afford boats like that- he said, "The only way you get this rich is to invent something new or break the law," and as I go on in my career...the truer this seems.  Trying to become successful as a lawyer seems pointless.  If you're lucky and you work to the point that you neglect every other aspect of your life- maybe, just maybe, you'll have some money and recognition right before you die.
Am I unreasonable in wanting to not hate my job or at the very least being good at something?
The truth is I can't accept hating what I do and I can't accept a life of mediocrity starring at the wall of a cubicle somewhere.  Tell me that's what is going to happen now so I can just opt out and go become a lift operator at Jackson Hole.  
Now is the Autumn of my discontent.

Answer:

I feel you man. I'm in my 3rd year at U of M for film making. For 3 years now, I've had to bust my ass to get into classes (and failing many times). I've struggled to get film projects done, put blood, sweat, and tears into all of them, with set backs constantly, to see other people make something far superior. I try out for internships and get so far only to be told "We've gone with someone else this time, but please keep in touch."
I don't want things handed to me, for I see people everyday who have had. I just hate working so hard all the time for nothing. A buddy and I were recently talking and we came to the same conclusion you have- we don't want a life of mediocrity. We figured we'd have been better off going to the fire fighters school. That got me thinking. I've wanted to make films for so long, but before and during that time I thought I'd be a firefighter. Maybe I wasted 3 years going to school only to find out in the autumn of my college education that this is not what I want to do. I get on the set and I forget this for the shining moments when everything goes right. But its brief, and the struggle continues and we have to "settle" on the cut because the film is due in 2 hours.
Above all, I just want to be happy. Whether that is making Hollywood features or producing the Channel 4 Action News Sports Sunday Extra, I don't know. All I know is that I'm sick of having to fight and struggle for everything. I'm not a victim and I don't want to sound like a crybaby. You're in law school, which I know is probably 10 times more intense than the crap I'm going through.
Basically, I just wanted to say, in an extremely long winded reply, that I hear you, I've been there and there is someone else who knows what you're going through.

Answer:

Well, because you address the election first in your post, I will suggest, and this is the first time I have said this to anyone other than my very closest friends, but it was the most miserable people that I know that supported John Kerry (or opposed President Bush).  My friends that supported John Kerry were unhappy with their lives and it had to be the fault of someone else, the President was a convenient scapegoat.
Now to address the rest of your post.  Let me begin by saying that I am twenty-one years old and a student in college.  I have always been supported by my parents and the only jobs I have ever had were part time because I wanted money or enjoyed them, I never needed them.  I have always had whatever it was that I needed.  Because of this you may or may not want to grant credibility to what I have to say next, I couldn't blame you if you don't.  I will also say that my parents have always been in business for themselves, and that probably gives me a different perspective that a lot of other people.
You mention that you hate your job (or your future career), it seems mostly because it doesn't provide an obvious path to become wealthy and well-known.  I understand that it is not easy to become a lawyer, but it seems to be a relatively stable profession.  As there is little risk involved in becoming a lawyer, there is relatively little reward to be had compared to some other professions that require more risk.  There is no free lunch.
In our society it is very easy to be mediocre.  If you follow the rules you will almost always be able to feed and clothe your family and live your life.  If you want to do much more than that you are going to have to put some chips on the table.  Innovate. Find something that you think you can do better than others and take a risk.  Make an investment in yourself.
There is little more that I can add that, while not intended as harsh personal criticism, may come across as too harsh.  All I can say is that I wish you luck with whatever you choose to do.

Answer:

How truly sad.
I don't know that I have the age or experience or perspective to really help you. But in my short life thus far, I have learned a few valuable lessons. Perhaps they will be of value to you.
Fame and fortune DO NOT equal happiness. If that's what you seek, don't expect to find happiness. I'm not suggesting that the rich and famous can't be happy, just those that make it their purpose in life. What does bring happiness (at least for me, anyway), are being around my family and serving others. I could also go on about my faith, but I believe that in this forum, those comments would fall on deaf ears.
Note: I must echo the sentiments of hopkins_student. I won't elaborate, because there's been enough political furor in this forum over the past week. Also, if you believe that Bill Gates OR Donald Trump are "truly successful", you need to seriously re-evaluate what you think really matters in this world.

Answer:

I'm afraid I'm going to have to agree with jharrison. I'm not at an age when I can give a very credible answer, but this question has been examined by many more insightful people than myself in any case. The idea that one must be fulfilled through work is pretty modern. A much older idea about the worth of work is summed up succinctly by some clever religious scholars (never underestimate them, even if you don't subscribe to their religion) as "the dignity of work", i.e. that everyone should be allowed to work so that they can support themselves (and their family, if need be,) should take pride in whatever work is alloted them, and thereby be able to walk among equals with all men, rich and poor. The idea that opportunities are boundless are in fact disingenuous - otherwise, there would be many more professionals and many fewer trash collectors. Ironically, it may be more reasonable to assume that if you are in the former group. you may be more disillusioned by the mantra that fulfillment should come through your work, that you should "be doing something you really like", because you are in a job that society esteems.
Loving your work is a luxury. Most people don't. But pretty much everyone can find fulfillment in family and friends, and many through their religious faith.
Professional "success", and the things it is measured by, will not in and of themselves bring fulfillment, happiness, or contentment. Not my words, but pretty reasonable ones.

Answer:

oh, where to begin?
first, your life will probrably not be the way you thought it would be, when you were younger. accept this and move on. you will probrably not have a 120 foot yaht, if you don't already. that is life.
but, as a mediocre lawyer in the US you can have a very comfortable life. and I know that the concept of "a very comfortable life" is not that important when you are a young student from a middle class family, but you will understand it later, believe me.
let me take a little tangent here, so that you will have a little understanding of where I am talking from - I am also not that old, I am 37. niether of my parents graduated university, and I spent a little bit of time on various government assistance programs as a child. I never wore a pair of new pants or coat that wasn't bought at Kmart, and never went on a vacation as a child. my parents were divorced, and I have known hunger. I fufilled several of my childhood dreams before I was in my mid twenties - serving in a very good military unit, spending time at a good school, traveling extensivly on 5 continents, sleeping with a huge number of women. There are very very few experience that you can think of that I haven't had a shot at, and very few places I havne't been. Now I have a job that is ok, doing something that I like, for a company that is smaller than my last company, and making significantly less than in my last job. Noboby will every look at my boat and be impressed, in all probability no body will remember me when I die.
with one exception - I have a fantastic loving wife and a great son who worships me. My job allows me to give him a great education and to spent a good amount of time with my family, when I am not traveling. And that gives me a huge amount of pleasure. so, while I might not be where I thought that I would be at this age as a child, and maybe not even where I thought that I would be 5 years ago, I am still very content. I eat well, I travel well, I have a good group of friends, I spend a good amount of time with my family, I am happy in my nice, average, rented house. I drive a simple used car, but it gets me where I need with no worries. I have a great wardrobe, without a single stitch of designer clothes and only 3 pairs of shoes.
now back to you - first, although being average is a horrible thing to young peope, you could do worse. having a great wife and some good kids in a nice suburban house and a small weekend house, and a couple of nice cars, is not such a bad life, even if it means working 70 hours a week checking contracts or some such crap.
or, if you want, take your law degree and join the FBI, or the DAs office in a tought city, or amnesty, and do something that won't make you rich but could run your adrenaline.
or, finish what you are doing (or take a break) and backpack around the world for 18 months. Think carefully about what you want. believe me, the only permanant damage you will do your career by traveling is that you will have a few grand less in your pension plan in a few years.
or, take a few days, think about what you want out of life - maybe what you need is to rethink your goals. by the way, it is a good idea to rethink your goals every 6 months or so, they may change.
One of the problems the middle class has in the US is that you spend a long time on one track, I would imagine that you have been in school a long time, putting considerable effort into getting where you are. taking some time out to travel, or taking a job that is obviously not your lifetime career can be very helpful in identifying what you want out of life. poverty is not fun, and it is very very difficult to get out of. what you don't want it to do something today that will seriously harm our ability to make agood living should you decide that you want a family later. not being able to buy your kids good shoes is about the worste feeling that a man can ever have.

Answer:

I would interject here to recommend you acquiring Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead. While I have not read it yet, I have ordered it the past Saturday. It is the story of two men from architecture school who had very different fundamental worldviews -- one who lived for himself, and the other who lived to please others -- and how their paths diverged.

Answer:

CT -
OK - you sound kind of depressed so I wanted to respond here.
First of all, there's no shame in being dissappointed that the election didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. Having been on the losing end of many campaigns, I can certainly understand the feeling that goes with it. I have actually felt like I was dealing with a death after some of them - particularly if I worked on the campaign in question.
It is not fun, but it's something you'll get over and generally you'll find that despite all the doomsayers after every election, most of us just go on with our lives and everything works out just fine. It may seem like the end of the world, but it really isn't.
As for your other issues. Clearly law school is tough, but bear in mind it's only a three year stint and there are other things that could be much tougher (prison, military service, reality tv contestant, etc.)
Right now you are putting in the work that will allow you to do what you want to do in the future. I'm not a lawyer, but many of friends are and so is my father and my father-in-law and I can say from observation that there are many different ways to be a lawyer. You talk of not wanting to slave away in some law firm, and I suppose that is the career path that you hear about the most in school, but it is not the only one.
My dad has never worked for a big firm and has never once represented a client in court. My father-in-law has done trial work and some personal-injury stuff. My best friend is a public defender who almost never wins a case because let's face it - most of his clients are guilty, but he has worked reasonable hours and still made good money since the day he passed the bar.
Don't limit your options for the future. There are many ways in which your law degree can be useful and you probably haven't even begun to scratch the surface of those yet.
As a Red Sox fan, you might want to consider the fact that almost all sports agents are lawyers.
Finally - I would recommend not worrying so much about what other people think of you and don't be too judgemental of others. One of the main problems I have with this forum is that we sometimes focus way too much on the material items that we possess.
While having a nice pair of Lobbs, a Brioni suit or a 7-fold tie is nice, ultimately, those things will not make you happy. Happiness and contentment is something you have to achieve on your own. If you want to dress well while you do that - so be it - but you need to decide that you could be happy without the accoutrements (sp?) or you'll still be unhappy no matter how many possessions you own.
If I could give you any advice, I would say, quit worrying about when you'll be able to buy that yacht or that mansion in Newport. Just relax, enjoy yourself and things will happen when they happen.
If you want to feel better now - go do something for other people rather than worrying about yourself. Go to the local soup kitchen or food bank and volunteer once a week. Volunteer to coach a kid's soccer team. Call Habitat for Humanity and offer to help build the next house they're doing. Don't look at these as something to help your career, just do them because you want to help. You never know - it might lead to something good.
Buck up and hang in there. I think we've all gone through this at one point or another - I know I have.
Bradford

Answer:

gregory,
while I believe that the fountainhead is one of the greatest books out there, I would not recomend it to somebody who is feeling in doubt and is troubled about how to navigate their life. not to be patronizing, but too many impresionable young people have been hit by ayn rand at the wrong time in their lives, myself included.

Answer:

globetrotter, i think you are right.
i am somewhat upset about my life at this stage as well so maybe i shouldn't read it either when the book arrives.

Answer:

I'd hate to steer sombody away from the fountainhead - but it is powerful stuff, you need to treat it as such. read it with a strong critical aproach (frankly, the writing isn't that great, the message is very powerful, and espectially atractive to intellegent young people who feel that conventional life might not be for them).

Answer:

So, maybe law isn't the right path for you..? If you hate it so much, do something else. There's plenty of paths that require less bitch work.

Answer:

I'm very pleased with the great responses other members have posted here.
I concur as well that "success" is not fame, fortune, or money. And the best thing to remember is that it's definitely NOT what other people think it is...It's what you ultimately decide it is.
I'd recommend the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.

Answer:

IMO, and having reviewed globetrotter's comments, I would like to add my two bits. Ayn Rand's particular brand of objectivism is exceptionally seductive to young men, and young American men, in particular because of its simplistic and militant nature. As globetrotter said, I would caution you to read Ayn Rand's books extremely critically. Not doing so would be a grave error. They are, after all, propaganda.

Answer:

I have been thinking about this topic quite a bit lately as well. Finding out what really makes you happy as opposed to what you think will make you happy is difficult to accomplish, especially when you actually spend some time thinking about it. Sometimes it makes you envy children and others who can be delieriously happy from mild stimuli
I haven't figured very much out yet in this respect, but at least I'm trying.