4 Our Health

Question:

The gym (tongue in cheek)
  What a strange place, what strange people!
Being a sociologist, I do have this horrible habit of categorising people or things. Wrong! I hear you call, wrong or not, that's what I do, here are your gym types.
Fat man who wants to show the world it isn't fat, its muscle. He can be found frequenting the free weights. But actually, not that frequent. He will lurk, until The Gorgeous Bit (see further down) uses the abductor (not to be confused with a kidnapper) He will spring into action, lift a weight far heavier than he is capable. His face will turn a funny shade of purple, as he holds his breath, and goes for one repetition of lifting half his body weight. His cheeks will blow out like balloons, and The Gorgeous Bit is probably looking at him wondering if those cheeks will pop. Lowering the weight, a bit too fast, he takes a (too casual) look around for spectators.
The Fat Man will then rest, with a proud look on his face, until another Gorgeous Bit comes along to work her ass.
The Gorgeous Bit is a strange one. She actually doesn't want, or need to exercise. This one has been gifted with the kind of body that would still be pert and slim if she ate every meal at MacDonalds for the next ten years. Even giving birth won't change the body shape of this one. You will never see The Gorgeous Bit wearing last year's T shirt, and baggy, bobbly leggings, oh no, this girl has all the lastest kit. She can usually be found hanging around the stretching mats. If one is watching, she might pull one leg up behind, try to grab her foot, and stretch her thigh muscles. Generally not though, she prefers sucking her tummy in (like she needs to) and pouting for the audience. If a half decent man is using the free weights, she might just do three rep's on the abductor. The Gorgeous Bit will never sweat, you won't catch her on any of the cardiovascular equipment. Heaven forbid, she might smudge her make up!
The Larger Ladies. Now you have to take your hat off to this small crowd. They will wear their (large husband's) Fred Perry T Shirt, which is long enough to cover their thunder thighs, and are usually found on the exercise bikes, or rowing machines. They go for the burn, the best they can. You can easily spot these, due to their red faces, and frequent visits to the water cooler.
Most look embarrassed, but really, they have no need, they could probably go longer, faster, and harder on the exercise bike than the Gorgeous Bit, just luck is not on their side.
The Kids On A Free Trial. A quick glance around the gym and for sure you will spot these. They are the ones dashing from weight to weight, doing three rep's at a moderately high setting, all wrong of course, then dashing off for their next instant thrill. At times, you can see them taking photos of one another (they hunt in packs) on their top of the range phones. You can be sure these photos will be circulating round school the next day "hey wanna c Frogmella on da w8s? chek da pic" A harmless crew, and they won't pay for membership, so let them have their fun.
The Clueless Ones. God bless them! They are the ones that stand at the side of the bikes and the cross trainers, pressing the start button, and watching to see if it kicks into life. Nobody has shown these round the gym (unlike Newbies - see further down) Perhaps they thought they knew it all, and didn't need anyone to show them round? Anyway, they can also be seen staring at the various machines, wondering how to change the angle of things, then getting on regardless, and pulling all sorts of muscles.
Sometimes, you might spot a Clueless One with an exercise ball, watch them long enough and you will see them trying to slyly read the stretching exercises on the chart. Watch them even longer and you will see the ball disappear from under them and roll across the gym.
The Newbie. What can I say about the Newbie? Well first of all, when they come into the gym they tend to blink a lot. After signing in, in the wrong boxes (Time In V345 4FF, Registration 18:45) You can easily pick the Newbie out, they will be clutching their exercise card (not memorised it yet, or perhaps is a Clueless One - watch longer to find out) in one hand, and a their locker key in the other.
The Newbie hasn't studied the locker key long enough to notice it is a pin, and can be attached to their clothing. The Newbie often shares some characteristics with the Fat Man, in that they will try to pick up weights far too heavy. The difference is, the Newbie will look nervously around, hoping nobody has seen them try to lift the heavy weight, and will switch to a lighter one. Unlike Fat Man, who will lift and be damned.
The Fitness Freak. Well, they have been going years, you won't catch them inadvertently going backwards on the cross trainer. You won't find them trying to lift things over their capability. They aren't there to pose, look good, lose weight, or be laughed at. They are serious about their work out. Usually they are found on the treadmill, running on the rocky road to Dublin. No exercise card, no fancy gear, no red face. Easily spotted though by their MP3 player attached to their shorts, and ear phones poked down deep (they are sick of the same music at the gym) Although most people there actually want to be the Fitness Freak, the Fitness Freak pays no heed to who is watching. They want to burn, and build, and sod everyone else.
If you look in the corner, you might see a Lesser Spotted Common Or Garden Writer. He or she is usually trying hard to not be noticed, and can be a cross between the Larger Lady, Clueless One, Newbie, and Fitness Freak, or can even belong to all of those sectors. Sitting with their fat arse on a bike, wearing an MP3 player, with their pin not attached, and their card stuffed down their pants, pretending to know how to work the kit.
Forget the pictures, forget the pub, forget getting a nice DVD and snuggling on the sofa, get down the gym for some real entertainment!

Answer:

Brilliant!!!! :clap: :clap: :clap:

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I love it! :lol: :clap:
g_k

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:lol:
I'm a fitness freak to a 't' - I am absolutely blinkered when I am in the gym and give no time of day to anyone! Miserable cow.
How about the Grunters? These are the men who have obviously been working out on high weight, low reps for years and can be recognised by their uniform of weights belt and chewing gum-white vest. They pick up their super-heavy weights, heft them around 3 times making primeval sorts of sounds as they do so, and then let them drop to the floor with a huge thump at the end of their set. There are a few of those at my gym!

Answer:

How about the Grunters? These are the men who have obviously been working out on high weight, low reps for years and can be recognised by their uniform of weights belt and chewing gum-white vest. They pick up their super-heavy weights, heft them around 3 times making primeval sorts of sounds as they do so, and then let them drop to the floor with a huge thump at the end of their set. There are a few of those at my gym!
Oh god yes!!! There were tons at my old gym but thankfully not so many at my new one!