4 Our Health

Question:

What do you all think of baby showers in general?
My sister-in-law has told me that she will be throwing me one (with my mom), and wants me to start thinking about stuff that we need so I can make up a registry list. This is what she did for her shower last year, and people just went to the store, chose something from the list that she had picked out, wrapped it and brought it to the shower. She was much more concerned about the gift aspect of the whole thing than the actual get together.
There are certainly a lot of things we need, but we've been buying used stuff as we see it, or I'm making homemade things (like diapers), etc to cut costs. We don't have a lot of money, and this was an unplanned baby, but I know we'll do okay. I'm sure by the time the baby is here, we will have most of the necessities covered. I don't feel comfortable going to the store, picking up that registry gun and just shooting at anything I think would be nice! If there's going to be a shower, I would feel much more comfortable if it weren't all about GIFTS, but about getting together with friends and family and celebrating. If someone can't afford to buy anything for the baby (since I've been in that situation before), I don't care - I would just want them there!
Any ideas of what I could do? Say yes to the shower, but explain to her that I don't want to do the registry thing? Maybe have her write on the invites, "your presense is your gift" or something like that? Any other ideas?
winn

Answer:

I had a traditional baby 'shower' when I was pregnant with my dd, which I enjoyed alot EXCEPT for the gifts. I felt really silly opening a bunch of gifts that I knew I probably wouldn't use. I would try to see if your sister could make it more of just a celebration of the baby and your pregnancy rather than a shower with a registry from a big box store. Or maybe see if you could make a list with different items from WAHM stores that you would actually enjoy, and still make it known that gifts are not neccessary. I had no clue what the heck I would have registered for from BabiesRUs or whatever because we didn't use many of the mainstream baby gadgets and gear. So I didn't register and ended up with a bunch of stuff that ended up only using a tiny bit of and feeling bad about it. If I had it to do over again I'd either register with items I actually wanted or make it a no gifts affair.

Answer:

What do you all think of baby showers in general?
Any ideas of what I could do? Say yes to the shower, but explain to her that I don't want to do the registry thing? Maybe have her write on the invites, "your presence is your gift" or something like that? Any other ideas? I'm all for baby showers. But that could be because I had a crappy one.
You could say yes to the shower, but ask if you could make it a freezer party or something. Instead of gifts per se, guests bring you a dinner to heat/eat after the baby's born and cooking will be the last thing on your mind. Or gift certificates for take-out or whatever. Would that be a happy compromise for you guys? :)
Lanna

Answer:

I agree with you! I was in a similar situation, though I *thought* at the time I needed a lot more of the mainstream crap than I actually did. I didn't use over half of the stuff I registered for, although my sil got tons of use out of them. Dd was also the first grandchild for both my mother & mil so the gift stuff was a bit much for my tastes.
I think you should stress to both your sil & mother that you want people to come & celebrate your pregnancy, and not be so focused on the gifts. I hated this part of my shower. The hostesses did do a bingo game but I hate the opening of the gift, oogling over it & then quick the next one.
Some of the more natural web sites do have registries so that is an option. Also, like the pp mentioned, make a list yourself of wahm stuff you'd really like (slings, diaper stuff, clothes, etc.).
Babies r us does have some stuff you would use...safety/childproofing devices, a car seat (I'm assuming you have a car), first aid stuff & thermometers, diaper ointment/lotion/soaps, some nice toys, books (they carry almost all of the Dr. Sears books), mats for lining the bed if they pee through or spit up so you don't have to change all the sheets (again assuming you're cosleeping). Try to think of when the babe gets a bit older as well.
You could also do a creative type of gift...for my engagement party I didn't want people to feel like they had to bring a gift so I mailed a fabric square with the invitation & they could decorate it however they wanted. I made a quilt from it. You could do a tablecloth & have each person sign their name & then embroider the names. Have each person donate a picture of them as a baby & their best baby advice or their favorite memory of their own mom & make into a scrapbook.
Good luck & let us know how it goes!

Answer:

I have to second the freezer party idea! I have been hinting heavily because after my first baby, we never had ttime to cook at first. Acouple of friends brought some casserolles over and I was SO thankful. We even bought a chest freezer this time around and have been slowly stocking it up.

Answer:

I love the fabric square idea!
I'm pretty uncomfortable with the spotlight/opening presents thing as well. However, I've come to realize that while my friends might listen to me, when it comes to family, they're going to do what they want to do, and they wanted to do a traditional shower and bring us gifts. It made them feel good and that's what seemed to help them celebrate our baby. So rather than get a lot of things we'd never use or cause a big family ruckus, I did create a registry -- at a friend's AP store -- so I could honor the gifts they got us by using them. It turned out to be more fun than I would have thought, and looking back, I'm not sure why I quibbled so much about people getting us things we needed anyway. It certainly saved me hauling my big pregnant self around shopping, which I like even less than being in the spotlight! :LOL

Answer:

I'm unusual in that I really just don't like baby showers (for myself). :bag: (But it sounds like there are others like me!) All of the attention just makes me uncomfortable at a time when I'm getting hormonal and crazy anyway.
If you're more interested in something like a social get together (which is what I would like, but it never seems to go that way) rather than a frou frou baby shower, I'd say so as clearly but as diplomatically as possible.
The gift part *can* be really uncomfortable... what is *soooo* much nicer is having someone arrange to have all those people bring you a meal after the baby is born (or a "freezer party" as someone suggested).

Answer:

I like any excuse for games and fun with friends... but I do agree that the gift part can be awkward! I am only speaking from my bridal shower, I haven't had a baby shower yet.
I have thought that if I was hosting a shower for someone like you I would do something like have each person bring a baby/kids book and write something nice to the baby inside.
My cousin had everyone mail her a bead for a birthing necklace, that is another option for gifts. Or, if you have more AP gifts that you could use (sling, cloth diapers, etc.) you could register at someplace like where you can register for anything on the web.
Just some thoughts!

Answer:

My mil threw me a shower and I absolutely hated the present opening part. I am so not a gusher, and I felt like people expected me to gush over each gift. :rolleyes
That said, I registered for everything I needed online, from places I wanted to support, from nice dipes and wool covers to a hemp sling, and some nice organic teas. The people who were into registry stuff, bought me things from the list, and everyone else(mostly my friends) either made crafty things or regifted stuff.
For this baby, I am having a blessingway with close friends who will be organizing meals after the baby comes.

Answer:

I have to say, if you are going to have a baby shower, it's better to register and let people know what you will really want. It's better than getting a ton of disposable diapers and formula if you are planning on going with cloth and breastfeeding. :p
I'm registered for the more expensive stuff, and some fun stuff, and some books.A breast pump, a few bottles, some cloth diapers, cute clothes, books, toys, and decoration for the baby's room. I've also heard of the site that the PP mentioned, and think that's really cool.
In the end, people want to buy you stuff. People love to buy things for babies. Make the most of it, get some things that you like, and if you don't like them, you can always donate it to someone who will use it.

Answer:

I know it can be uncomfortable to register, but people sometimes feel more comfortable because they think they are getting you something you want. I guess it also depends upon who is coming to your shower. I was intimidated too by the shower thing....and really flipped out about babys r us!! (I hate that place!) .
There are a lot of useful things you could register for though....like a bathtub...baby bath soap, breast pump (if you are going to pump at all), washcloths, towels, a moses basket.....There is a lot of crap, but you could even get baby gates and safety stuff for when your little bundle starts scaling stairs and sticking things in sockets (it all happens so fast!!!)
People like buying baby stuff! Let them shower you! Besides, you will probably get a lot of clothing more than anything else.
I would vote for register for a few basic things that you know you will need.
That probably isn't helpful, but it is a compromise!

Answer:

Thanks for so many comments!
I should have mentioned that she plans on throwing the shower AFTER the baby is born...likely a few weeks later. So when my family from out of town comes in for the shower, it actually gives them a chance to meet the baby. Plus that way we will know if it's a boy or a girl!
So that means we need all the basic things before the shower happens anyways...which makes picking gifts a little more difficult! It also means that while I think the freezer party is a great idea, we will already be past the critical time when I won't feel like cooking! (Plus we are both vegetarian, which I think some people have trouble with...we would likely end up with a lot of rice and boiled carrots. :LOL )
Some of you have made me see the positive side of registering though, and I never would have thought to register online! That's a great idea. There are so many things I would love that are not found in Wal Mart / Zellers / where most people might shop. I suppose I could look for things that aren't necessarily for a newborn, like books, bigger sized diapers and clothing, safety things for the house, etc.
A few of you mentioned that people just want to buy gifts anyway...and I do know what you mean. I love shopping for baby showers! I just don't want people to feel like it's a requirement. I'm thinking the invitations should say something that lets people know that, but also suggests a registry for anyone that would like an idea. ?? What do you all think?
I feel guilty...but maybe this is the way to please everyone, plus get a few things that we really could use. Thanks all!
winn

Answer:

I love baby showers, I love buying gifts, I loved recieving the baby gifts. they were such a blessing. we needed so much and it was so sweet of everyone to pitch in. I always had mine after the baby arrived. The fist accidentally the second one was an all out pass the baby affair. it was so much fun. it was all my LLL friends. Amlost everyone brought little something for my baby and somehting to quietly occupy my 4 year old (almost everyone spontaneously brought playdough or coloring books and markers. :LOL you could tell they were al mamas with more than one kid).
I also did register but only gave out that information to anyone who specifcially asked "are you registered somewhere". My dh always had a great time with the gun and also had fun adding erally off the wall things to the registry. people invited to our shower knew him and his sense of humor and thought it was hillarious (I am talking tools, Emeniem CDs instead of lulibies, 15 breast pumps).
I agree a freezer shower is a great idea. no one ever brought us food until we had our third one. it would have been nice to actualy have food.
as for the actual shower I have never been into games. as a matter of fact they annoy me when I attend showers. there is always that weird do you let the new mom win, do you give your prize to her? what if she doesn't want it? I hate it. the whole thing is entirely uncomfortable.
Some fun things to do at a shower that will at least distract from the gifts:

Onsie decorating - do a tie-dye party or get a bunch of stamps, fabric paints embroderie floss, iron paper, fabric crayons etc and enough onsies (split between smal medium and large) for eryone to decorate on for your baby. not only will it be something personal but you will have a full wardrobe of onsies for your baby. or in liu of gifts you could send the onsie with an invitation and have them bring that instead of a gift. the decorations will be the gift. it can be as elaborate or simple as they want. Some may be more art work than clothing but still fun.
scrapbooking party. have someone from creative memories come and do a scrapbooking party. have people bring baby pictures of thier child or whatever and then they can also do a premade page or two for yoru scrap book. all you will need to do is pop in pictures. they could bring order scrapbooking stuff as gifts. you can also insert card with baby blessings from each of your guests. a life long keepsake for your child.
do a beading party. have everyone make mothers bracelettes (or just nice jewlery) and ask everyone to bring a bead for a special birthing bracelette instead of a gift.
or rather than a bunch of little stuff pick one big thing and ask people to go in on it. this way people can give as much as they want and you can those big ticket, not good to buy used (carseat) things. if you feel uncomfotable recieving cash you could have your hostess pick up the one or two things she colected enough for so that you can open it at the shower. that way you don't even know how much ech person gave.

Answer:

I had a shower with my first and mainly only registered for things like blankets and onesies and things I needed. I just enjoyed the shower part.
With my second our church threw a shower because he was a boy and we got tons of clothes for the most part.
With both I took things I knew I wasn't going to use and returned them. I have absolutely no problem returning things.
You could choose to register somewhere like Walmart or Target and get store credit to use on things that you need. After our second was born I returned so many things that I either knew I didn't need or I already had - I had a bunch of instore credit. So I used that money for the things we needed that we didn't get (for some reason no one gave us baby socks, lol), or for household things like detergent and toilet paper. Some people think this is really tacky, but I really think it's benefitting the baby which is the purpose of the whole gift giving thing.
I really love baby showers for the games though. I love silly baby shower activities! I think that the gifts are a big part of it, but part of it is just fun because of the people.

Answer:

I like baby showers. :) They're a good excuse to talk about babies and help out a family financially. My dh's family threw me one for this baby (our last was born 7 years ago) and it was a lot of fun. Remember that *you* are the one who decides what's on your registry, if you choose to have one. We registered for lots and lots and lots of books! And remember, you will still, even with having a registry, get stuff that you don't want or need. Relax and let yourself be the center of attention!

Answer:

Perhaps you could tell her that you would prefer a "baby blessing ceremony" where people bring well wishes for the baby and she compiles them into a scrapbook for babe...

Answer:

I had a registry at which carries cloth diapers, slings, advocacy clothing, etc. It was great. People that bought off the registry helped set us up with newborn and small diapers, and I got to try a lot of different kinds-fitteds, AIO, pocket-that I might not have spent the money on if I had to purchase them myself. It helped me figure out what kinds I prefer and which had the best fit. I know there are several places like that at which you can register online for the type of gifts you would like, and which you would find useful. Don't forget toys too, teething things to chew, board books to read, etc. Congrats on your pregnancy.

Answer:

Perhaps you could tell her that you would prefer a "baby blessing ceremony" where people bring well wishes for the baby and she compiles them into a scrapbook for babe... That is an AWESOME idea!
I have been wondering about what I would want from a shower, although nobody's mentioned having one for me. My family and friends all live anywhere from 1 1/2 hours to 5 hours away, and I don't think most of them would be able to make it here. Also, not doing the mainstream thing makes it harder for people to buy gifts, especially if you don't think your friends would bother going to a web site to order what you REALLY want. In addition to that, we aren't going to find out the gender of the baby, so that makes buying some stuff hard...I mean, do I really want ALL my baby clothes to be green and yellow?
I was thinking that what I would like to do is have a "baby greeting" party after it comes, where everyone can meet the baby, and if they see a special gift they think I should have, then they can get it. I have alot of broke friends, so I wouldn't want to EXPECT a gift. I like the "your presence is the gift" idea that a pp mentioned for that reason. I am getting alot of good used stuff from my sisters, and this will be the first grandchild for my ILs, so I know they don't mind buying everything else I need.