4 Our Health

Question:

I am currently a few weeks pregnant with my second child, and I'm already stressing as to what I should do with my dd during labor? She will be around 22 months when the new baby is born. She is still breastfeeding every couple of hours and is a very attached baby. I've only been away from her twice--once for an hour (a "test run" at Grandma's), and again for 2 hours for a funeral. My instinct is to keep her with me during labor. But, I'm remembering my last labor (38 hours and exhausting!) and how busy I kept my husband with massaging, water, etc. I know we'll both be so preoccupied with labor, I just don't know that it would be in her best interests to bring her. With my last birth, my husband and I were the only ones in the room, besides the midwife and nurse. I'd prefer to keep it that way. My family is high stress/ very tense about natural childbirth, using midwives, etc. so I chose to NOT have anyone else attend dd's birth so that we could have a relaxed, stress-free environment. It was WONDERFUL :)I've thought about letting my mom watch her, but what do I do about feeding her? She won't take a bottle or cup, as of yet. And, I worry that it will be traumatic to keep her away from me for so long. Any advice? I am planning on a midwife-attended hospital birth. Do hospitals even allow children to attend labor? What's your experience with this? Thanks for your help in advance :)

Answer:

I really didn't need to be 100% focused until I got to 7 or 8 centimeters. Are you the same way? If you stay at home for as long as possible, and can walk around, eat, drink, etc., maybe a close friend or chill family member can play with her and keep her somewhat occupied while you labor.
Birth centers allow children to be present; I guess it depends on your hospital's policies. Most hospitals don't. I had ds at home with a midwife with 2 1/2 yo. dd present. My MIL was her "support" person and watched dd while I pushed, allowing her to go in and out of the room as she pleased.
If you're that concerned and the hospital doesn't allow kids, would you consider a family-friendly environment, such as birth center or home?

Answer:

Your dd WILL be able to drink fluids from another source by the time you have this baby. Sometime during your pregnancy your milk supply will either decrease a lot or completely dry up, even if you maintain a decent milk supply it still wont be enough fluids for your nursing toddler. My milk was completely gone by the 4th month.
I would see if your mom could come and be your dd's support person at the hospital, let them come and go (hospital, grandmas house and your house) when at the hospital your mom could bring your dd in your room in between contractions or whenever you are up to it.

Answer:

With my last birth, I was induced at 42+ weeks, which is why I was in the hospital for the entire 38 hours of labor. I hadn't even stopped to think about a different scenario--LOL! It would be great to labor mostly at home; I will plan on doing that :) That will help ALOT with my daughter. It will be MUCH easier at home. And I would LOVE to have a home birth, but it's just not possible with our situation, where we live, etc. and a birth center would be WONDERFUL as well; only problem is there is not one around here. The closest one is hours away :( So, unfortunately, I think I'm stuck with the hospital scene. I have a great midwife, though, and the option of a water birth at the hospital as long as pregnancy is normal (not induced) so I'm being optimistic :) My main concern right now is my dd. I'm also wondering what to do with her after baby is born. We co-sleep, and for some reason I don't think the hospital will be happy with that :eyesroll Plus, the beds are definately NOT made for a mom and 2 little ones. Any advice about that will be appreciated as well. I feel like I have so much to figure out! Thanks!!

Answer:

Since you're plannning a hospital birth, I'd suggest getting her used to grandma for a couple of hours a time every couple of weeks. Perhaps plan some days out with grandma first where you are there too for the entire day?
Your milk supply will slow some during pregnancy so she'll naturally switch to something. Try a cup with just a little liquid in the bottom. My 19 month old loves to feel like a big girl with a non-sippy cup!

Answer:

In my experience, hospitals don't really like to have little ones underfoot during labor. Our sitter fell through when I went to the hospital with my second and they made it pretty clear (politely) that my son needed to be cared for elsewhere even though he was being very good and sitting quietly while his daddy tried desparately to find somebody else to take him. Besides that, he was 17 months old and when my labor started getting harder, he got pretty concerned. I think if he had stayed through it, he would probably have been in tears even with the comforting support of his father.
My kids have always enjoyed a change of scenery and they don't get to be with other people very often. I find that they enjoy it rather than being frightened of it. They know I am not going to just leave them.
As far as nursing still, your daughter will likely wean herself long before you deliver. Even if you don't dry up, your milk will change over and she's not likely to appreciate the change. All of my kiddos weaned themselves when I was pregnant and this seems to be the typical concensus among the pregnant nursing women I have had the opportunity to discuss it with.
If you want your daughter with you, consider hiring a doula. Heck, even if you decide to have somebody take your daughter hire a doula! A doula can take a lot of the pressure off of your husband, and he can be more help to you if he is more at ease and if you keep your daughter with you, he can be a comfort to her and help her to understand what is going on so that she doesn't freak out without you having to labor without any assistance. A good doula is invaluable in the delivery room!

Answer:

I hada birth center birth and my 2 kids were there the entire time, They were 5 and 2 at the time. My 2 yo was perfectly fine! Daddy played with her, watched tv, they went to the sandwich shop to get me somethin to eat. And whn Baby Jack was born, she stood by the tub watching him pop out! It was so special.

Answer:

My ds will be about 22 months when ds2 is born, and I was pretty nervous at first, too. There is a huge difference between 14 & 22 months, though. My ds is 20 mths right now, and in the last few months he has started going back to sleep with just pats on the back instead of nursing sometimes, and sleeping better by himself. In a couple more months we will start total nightweaning where my dh will go in to him if he wakes up, and if he can't settle him down, bring him back to our room (and eventually teach him to just come in by himself). Right now I go to his room around 2am when he wakes & usually stay in there the rest of the night.
Have fun with your pregnancy, and enjoy watching the next few months with your 1st dd -- you are in for some great milestones (playing alone more, language explosion...). Try to develop a strong relationship between her & someone else -- I have a good friend who will be my doula & if necessary take my ds to her home for her dh to watch. I'm planning a homebirth, though, so I have a little bit more flexibility.
If you can, watch for almost 2 year olds (at church, the park, etc.) so you can see just how much more independent many are. I can tell my ds "no more nursie, go night-night," and it works!! He wouldn't have understood that a few months ago. :D

Answer:

(In addition to cinnamonamon's response... I weaned my son (#1) at age 14mon because I found out I was preg. (I was going to nurse thru pregnancy, but I have had a couple miscarriages and read it wouldn't be a good idea in my case). We used to call my breasts :Sheepish: "milkies", so I would tell him in a whisper, "Shhh... Milkies are sleeping," and then he'd just leave them alone. Oh yes, and he also used to like to touch my nipples as he was going to sleep, so that phrase would work then too.)
When baby #2 was born, my son (#1) was 20 months old. I was 2wks past due, so the Dr induced labor. I was nervous because I have heard bad things about labor induction. BUT... take it from me, it wasn't bad! I know your experience wasn't that great, but if you do, for some reason, have to be induced this time again, it will probably be better because it's your 2nd child and your body has already had a "run thru" of childbirth. Labor with my first was 8hrs. Labor with #2 (induced) was 5 hrs. I was shocked!
Anyhoo... when I was pg w/ my son, we lived closeby to my husband's brother & wife. We took my son there and he enjoyed playing with their 2 girls. He was pretty attached to me and was around only me every day. Even though they lived closeby, I didn't spend a whole lot of time there. He knew who they were, but visiting there wasn't a common thing. And just like another poster said, the difference between now and then for your dd will be HUGE. Those months will make a big difference. I don't think you'll have any problems leaving her w/ grandma. It will probably be fun for her as long as grandma will play with her, etc.
...After the baby was born, dh brought ds to the hosp to see his new little sister. It was the SWEETEST thing I have ever seen!!! He kissed her and it was just soooo cute. Definitely have a video camera ready to catch that!!!!
Try not to worry about it. It will work out okay. :)

Answer:

I have been wondering this too. I want my DS with us, but I don't want my parents or ILs in the room during birth. I would LOVE if my DS could see this new baby born though. I think he'd love it.
SIgh... this is going to become a stressor for me later. I just want a home birth soooo badly. I can't birth at a BC b/c I am a VBAC. I also am going to have to fight tooth and nail to be allowed off the monitors b/c for some reason even the MWs think that CFM is going to save a life.
We will be staying home just as long as possible. I'd rather birth in the car than the hospital...lol. I will let you know what we decide about DS and maybe it will help you out. I am 21 weeks now, and will be birthing this baby with more plan long before you.
Cheers!

Answer:

My first was 22 months old when my second was born. We had a bit of an advantage over your situation in that she was already very attached to my parents (especially my dad, her "papa"). Still, although she had spent as much as 12 hours with them by that time, she had never gone over-night and still nursed to sleep and to wake. My dad had watched her for four-hour stretches ever since she was 4 months old and she was quite used to him - but we upped the amount of time she spent as she got older and happier without nursing for longer stretches. Your daughter will be able to drink from something other than you by the time she is 22 months old. I guarantee it. It is hard to imagine now - but at 22 months, she doesn't even need a direct substitute for breastmilk. If she is used to going through a meal-snack-meal cycle without nursing, it probably won't even be traumatic.
I was sooo worried about DD's first night without me. She was fine. Had a blast. A week later, once the novelty of new-baby started to wear off, she wanted to do it again. And again. Anytime we'd let her.
This post is jumpy because I'm writing it while I'm trying to keep the kids from hurting each other - a game of castle-building with the blocks gone wrong - they seem settled now - I'll try not to get too confusing...
We did not want DD there during the birth. It was more for our own convenience than anything else, I am slightly ashamed to say - we weren't sure we knew what she'd need. She wasn't old enough for us to know for certain whether she even really understood the situation, and she wasn't talking at all yet which complicated things a bit (turns out she did understand; my dad brought her to the hospital and she was like, hey, there's that baby you guys have been talking about, can I touch him?). My kids will be 3 and almost-5 this time around and they're old enough that they've actually told me that they want to be there.
Anyway...long story short, we decided DD shouldn't be at the birth, and that she should stay with my parents. DD came and visited us at the hospital, but surprisingly, she didn't even want to nurse, she just wanted to see the new baby and then go back to Papa's house and play. She hadn't ever stayed at my parents' place overnight before, but she was attached to them and very comfortable there, and didn't have any problems at all. If you can get to the point where your DD is comfortable with your mom, GO FOR IT.
My first labor was approximately 12 hours. My second was approximately 2 hours (a little less actually). Yes, huge difference. I'm hoping the trend continues. Generally speaking, you can expect things to be easier this time around (it isn't guaranteed! but generally this is true).
I agree that there is a HUMONGOUS difference between 14 months and 22 months. A lot of growing and developing and learning happens in that space - and a lot of your concerns will be addressed in the natural order of your daughter's development. It isn't unusual for an EBF child not to want to eat or drink much at 14 months, but by 22 she'll probably not even be nursing nutritively much anymore (remember, your supply will also probably dwindle gradually, and she will naturally start to eat and drink more from other sources during this time - it sounds stressful to us, but for myself and amongst other moms I've talked to, by this age most kids are ready for this and don't really think much of it).
Your final questions - hospitals vary on whether they'll allow children for the birthing or not. The two I delivered in would, but in the second case, only one room was set up to allow this, so if someone was already there, the child would have had to leave when the actual birth occurred (hospital rooms 'bustle' to an amazingly over-done extent for the few minutes during and after a birth). You'd have to ask your hospital. Many don't allow this at all. Some don't allow it 'officially' but you can negotiate it. Some allow it only if there is a designated adult for the child (a good idea anyway). Are there any friends of yours that would watch your DD during the birth? That might be a good idea too. I also toyed with the idea of leaving the hospital AMA to get home and sleep all together, but decided not to when DD seemed so comfortable with my parents.